Rise above the little things, Mommy!

So this new year i was thinking of a resolution that i can really keep and not one that disappears over the horizon after an enthusiastic debut! Something doable and definitely not restraining (there goes dieting out of the window!).
So i started looking at all things i need to work on , things that are WIP for me and i realised that there are many days that i snap and lose my cool with lil A. Call it power struggle, over protective nature, an eager zealous 4 year old who wants things her way, and the innumerable "why's" that demand answers.

That got me thinking if i should be tackling each of these issues individually(phew!) or is there something else that i can do that lets me manage myself in all these situations better.
Thats when i came across this quote which simply stuck:
"ONE RESOLUTION I HAVE MADE,AND TRY ALWAYS TO KEEP, IS THIS: TO RISE ABOVE THE LITTLE THINGS" JOHN BURROUGHS

 But rise above what? Thats when i decided to make a list of few thing that i should rise above. how to define the little things? The little unimportant things that does not require me to waste my energy on or that simply doesn't need my attention. Its as simple as not rising to bait!(ha!)
With a glimmer of hope to stick to a NY resolution(finally) i grab hold of my pen and paper(err the laptop really) and furiously wrote all the things that would seem sooo important at the moment but will look so trivial when i look back(believe me, there are plenty of those!).

After a lot of deliberation i finally decided to rise above these little things that would make my mommy life much simpler :

Rise above the power struggle: "because i said so" is an unfair thing to tell a child. We don't like to hear it and neither do they. I agree it is not easy to explain things every time but it is so important to acknowledge the child's feeling and give them choices not orders. Be reasonable in saying no, just because you think your child doesn't know things(give them the benefit of doubt). Power struggle often leads to a rebellious child/parent(never too old to start!). However rising above power struggle will make the child feel you respect them and that goes a long way in building that amazing bond.

Rise above the mom guilt: Working mom has it, stay at home mom has it. Yup the guilt stays no matter what. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we get on with it and rise over it? For a while i was a working mom and that gnawed me from inside,when i would beat myself up for not spending enough time with my little one. Then i became a stay at home mom and still felt guilty about not helping the man of the house in bringing home the dough. All this while never realising that no matter how guilty we feel, in our child's eye we are always super mom! So rise above guilt is definitely a personal goal that i hope to tame, and soon!!

Rise above the over protective nature: Yes my little one is my life and yes she might not know the ways of the world. But will she ever find out if i don't let her and cloak her from all things good,bad and ugly? What i took a while to realise is that the more no's i tell her the more curious she gets and its a vicious cycle! Then i thought its better for her to discover and realise the not-so-good things when she is still little and comes and tell me about it than hiding it from me for fear of my over protective reaction. So i decided to broaden the boundaries and let her explore a little and experience a myriad of emotions.This one takes a lot of my will power!(deep breaths!)

Rise above taking your childs behaviour personally: Well my child was not born into this world thinking she will do things to annoy me.Though sometimes i tend to take her behaviour very personally, i realised it was not helping me be a better person/mother. My little one does things because she wants to express certain things in certain ways, doesn't mean she is doing it for the sole purpose of hurting/upsetting/annoying me. Now that i have decided to understand her personality (which she is strongly developing) it is much easier for me to understand why she behaves the way she does. Believe me , not taking her actions/words/expressions personally gives me piece of mind and also makes my little one comfortable and expressive.I also realised if i think that she is out to get me,no matter what she does it would appear to me that she is deliberately doing it to hassle me!(no thank you!)

Rise above self criticism: The dinner that i painstakingly made over the last couple of hours did not get the response i desired.Sulk.Sulk. My little one told me not to kiss her off to school today. Double Sulk. I do not need too many things to put me down.One small thing can wipe that smile straight off my face and bury it deep inside not to return anytime soon! Who wants a grumpy frumpy mommy? After a few such incidents is when i realised that maybe its nothing to do with me and that i am unnerving myself with criticism for no reason. Maybe my little one wasn't hungry that night, maybe she dint want me to kiss her in front of some friends(who can blame her) or maybe she wanted to get to school in a hurry. Rising above self criticism is the one thing that makes me a much happier person/mother and its definitely gonna stick!

Rise above expectations: This one will hold true for all the "sacrifices" and "patience" that goes into mothering.Reflecting on all the joy that the little one brings in my life and the fact is that i would not trade it for anything in this world. So expecting anything else in return for the so called "sacrifices" is a very unrealistic idea. So i hope to never say " i did this for you" to my little one ever, because she never made me do it, i wanted to do it for her. Period.

Rise above fighting your child's battle: My little one is a very independent 4 year old and likes to do things by herself which makes my chest swell up. One of the few things that she dislikes doing is standing her ground and dealing with confrontations(who can blame her, she is just 4). One thing about being a enthusiastic first time mother is that you really want to wage all your child's battle! Not even thinking for once if  she can deal with some of them herself.  My little one was so conditioned that she stopped trying to sort an argument/confrontation.  Even so once when we were at the playground, something as silly as "my turn/your turn" debate with her friend got me into the intervention mode and speaking for my little one , when her friend quipped "Aunty, Why are you talking for A?" and i was like good one little dude!why indeed!?
So now i take a step back and notice how my little one at least tries to fight her own battle(thats a start!)

I hope to rise above al these things that makes me a slightly better mommy than i was in 2015!