Bring out the Report Card!
Comparison; they say has stopped.
Parenting; they say has changed.
We will not subject our kids through what we went to, they say.
I say- Hogwash!
Case in point- A distressed mom was talking to a group of moms about her child acting up and obviously giving out desperate signals of seeking useful advice and solutions. The mom in question was terribly disappointed and gave up when all the other Mothers began whipping out their child behaviour book and comparing how each of their kids react. I Mean come on , not everything is about saying me too or mine too!
Sometimes the despaired mom just needs to vent or wants someone to listen to her, not someone who would immediately change the subject and steer it back to a notebook full of comparison points.Check!
What happened to our quality of listening or being there? When did it become a competition of parenting skills and know hows? So how can we say that comparing kids has stopped , that we have stopped comparing them like the previous generation which used to not so subtly point fingers at the better sibling or friend or stranger child and say "see, why can't you be like him/her?"
In our own way we are comparing children in a very subtle but strong way. An unhealthy habit like that becomes second nature and when done in front of the child can prove extremely detrimental to their emotional well being. Putting them down or listing their traits in front of a crowd when unsolicited has absolutely no benefit. You don't like to be compared and that applies even to your child. Imagine the hurt when your child compares you to their friend's mother and so on.
The thumb rule applies here : If you do not like it happening to you, your child does not like it too.
Applicable to almost all the innumerable parenting hurdles faced. If you do not like being talked back to, stop talking back yourself. No one likes a push back , especially your child who is counting on your unconditional support and shoulders to lean on.
Parenting is a tricky business and no manual fits all. But the afore mentioned thumb rule has stayed strong in the top 5 parenting ethos I follow. It is ann enveloped in something much bigger - namely Empathy! Give it a try :)
Comparison; they say has stopped.
Parenting; they say has changed.
We will not subject our kids through what we went to, they say.
I say- Hogwash!
Case in point- A distressed mom was talking to a group of moms about her child acting up and obviously giving out desperate signals of seeking useful advice and solutions. The mom in question was terribly disappointed and gave up when all the other Mothers began whipping out their child behaviour book and comparing how each of their kids react. I Mean come on , not everything is about saying me too or mine too!
Sometimes the despaired mom just needs to vent or wants someone to listen to her, not someone who would immediately change the subject and steer it back to a notebook full of comparison points.Check!
What happened to our quality of listening or being there? When did it become a competition of parenting skills and know hows? So how can we say that comparing kids has stopped , that we have stopped comparing them like the previous generation which used to not so subtly point fingers at the better sibling or friend or stranger child and say "see, why can't you be like him/her?"
In our own way we are comparing children in a very subtle but strong way. An unhealthy habit like that becomes second nature and when done in front of the child can prove extremely detrimental to their emotional well being. Putting them down or listing their traits in front of a crowd when unsolicited has absolutely no benefit. You don't like to be compared and that applies even to your child. Imagine the hurt when your child compares you to their friend's mother and so on.
The thumb rule applies here : If you do not like it happening to you, your child does not like it too.
Applicable to almost all the innumerable parenting hurdles faced. If you do not like being talked back to, stop talking back yourself. No one likes a push back , especially your child who is counting on your unconditional support and shoulders to lean on.
Parenting is a tricky business and no manual fits all. But the afore mentioned thumb rule has stayed strong in the top 5 parenting ethos I follow. It is ann enveloped in something much bigger - namely Empathy! Give it a try :)
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